Writing Prompt: Write about a villain’s girlfriend leaving him for his arch nemesis, the super hero
Twas the night of my three month dating anniversary with Evil Will.
Yes, three months ago we met on a dating app called Matchbadboys.com, an app for women to meet the bad boys of their dreams aka the outliers of society – mostly criminals.
I felt an instant connection to his profile because everything about it was just so wrong.
From his unibrow to his shiny bright orange suit that could be seen from space, his oversized, circus-tent, purple cape and his large purple gloves that would make Mickey mouse blush. Not to mention the giant “W” emblazoned on his chest. W for wrong. Lol.
Beneath his photo, his profile read:
- Business owner of renowned villainy website – Evilwill.com.
- Successfully completed 110 crimes and counting. Ok maybe 50…haters will say 5.
- Creator of the infamous cow ab shooter – a gun that transforms cows into fighting moos with impossibly large abs so they can defend themselves against farmers who want to touch their tiddys.
- Cow and hot chocolate lover.
- Hater of all good things.
Immediately yes
The cherry on the cake was our first date. One Saturday at sunset, we broke into a secluded rooftop, overlooking a busy park in the heart of the city.
And then we spent the night using his laser gun to turn people’s shoes into gross already chewed chewing gum.
“What happened to m-my Nike’s!! Wait…is that…gum?” I remembered one passerby screaming in horror as he stared down at his feet.
“Ewww!!! Even worse, it’s already chewed!! And oh my goodness are those eyes?!” Another screamed.
Soon, all hell broke loose as people ran helter-skelter trying to run from the sticky, saliva covered mess that was their feet. It was deliciously hilarious.
We ended the night with a romantic dinner of coco pops and crispy bacon – my favorite meal. So by the time he asked me to be his girlfriend after dinner, there was no doubt in my mind that he was the one for me.
So, I wanted our anniversary night to be special.
I had planned a romantic oasis together for when he returned from the lab – which was supposed to be 15 minutes ago.
Wait, why was he late anyway?
I’d begun to notice how lately, he spent more time and attention on his missions than he did with me. And it was beginning to bother me.
Last week he bailed on our boat cruise date…
…just so he could cover a McHappy fast food restaurant in snot-loaded confetti for ruining his hot chocolate order earlier that day.
Though I understood that for a ‘largely successful’ villain like himself, his missions were important for his well being (according to the many relationship coaches I watched on Tiktok).
Buuuuttt… I had needs.
And tonight was a night that I was not going to compromise on, for I had thoughtfully arranged every detail.
Our master suite was bathed in a warm, golden light from the candles that made everything seem soft and more inviting.
The bed was decorated with soft rose petals, arranged in the shape of a heart. Balloons in shades of pink and red floated gently around the room, adding a playful touch to the otherwise elegant decor.
On the nightstand, a bottle of chilled milk awaited us, flanked by two crystal glasses.
It was like something out of a fairy tale, and I couldn’t help but feel my heart flutter with anticipation.
He’s going to love it! I mused with pride as I smeared red lipstick over my wide, full lips, causing them to glisten like ripe cherries.
I twisted my curly black hair up in a knot that looked like it was in a race to reach the sky, plucked my nipple hairs and finally got dressed in the outfit that I’d been looking forward to wearing all night! I was sure seeing me in it would turn him on faster than a light bulb.
Ok. So 3…2…1, Sexy T-rex costume!!
This full body costume had a lovely dark brown hue that complimented my copper skin, and a large mouth from which my face stuck out.
And I chuckled every time I heard the swish swish of my tail sweeping the floor behind me when I walked.
I knew that with just one look at me, I would have him drooling like a Saint Bernard eyeing a juicy bone.
I sat down at the edge of our king sized bed and waited for Evil Will to walk into the room.
Tick, Tock, Tick, Tock.
The ticking of the clock hanging over our bed grew louder with each passing minute.
But any minute now, surely….
Tick, Tock, Tick, Tock.
Argh, dammit Evil Will! What was keeping you at that lab?!
Annoyed by his tardiness and armed with the self confidence of a T-rex, I stormed to his lab which was a few feet across our bedroom.
I walked into the lab’s reception, where a dark skinned school boy with a screwed up eye sat behind a tall white cubicle.
The cubicle separated him from the main space and showed only his head and half of a large computer monitor. I heard the sound of him clacking away at a keyboard.
He looked away from the monitor and at me once he noticed me standing in front of the cubicle.
“Tsk. You must be another one of Evil Will’s temp interns. I swear he swaps you guys like every 3 days.” I commented with an impatient toss of my hand.
“Anyway, I’m his girlfriend, is he still in the lab?”
“Cluck,cluck, PKAAAAWWW!” He opened his mouth to respond but instead came chicken sounds.
I frowned, and looked him over with open disapproval. Was this a joke?
“Hey, this isn’t funny. Did he put you up to this?No, Evil Will’s too cheap to pay his interns so I know he didn’t pay you to be a damn chicken.”
“Cluck, cluck, pkaww.”
“Look, he should’ve been home several minutes ago. I just want to know what he’s doing back there?” I demanded, motioning to the large metal doors behind him.
“CLUCK, CLUCK, PKAAAWWWW!!” He said again.
I’d lost my patience.
“Ugh, never mind, I’ll find out for myself! I don’t know why he wastes time with you useless interns anyway.”
I fumed and marched through the doors, into the main lab area.
“Hoonaaaayy, it’s time for our….” the rest of my words turned to sand in my mouth as I took in the commotion before me.
Standing in the center of the lab was Evil Will in his signature orange costume, looking like a traffic cone who got lost on his way to a fancy dress party.
In front of him was a large circular device that loomed like a giant plate above everything else in the lab.
It had a blue ring around it, like a futuristic hula hoop, and in its center was what looked like a wobbling wall of water.
But that wasn’t the weirdest thing my eyes rested on, for right next to the device were three large, featherless chickens…with the heads of men!
Their heads were like swollen balloons, inflated at 5 times the size of any normal human head.
And their chicken bodies seemed as small as oranges compared to their swollen human heads.
Their frenzied flapping around the lab was made worse by the fact that they couldn’t balance their large heads on their tiny chicken bodies.
One of the heads was a blond haired man with blue eyes, one was a dark skinned man with an afro and dark eyes, and the third was a bald asian man with a crooked beak in place of his mouth.
On the opposite side of the device stood a tall young man in a lab coat who looked more scared than a cat in a room full of rocking chairs.
The floodlights streaming from above the lab cast a harsh glare on everything, the air smelled like fried chicken.
And then there was his henchman, Number 1, typing furiously at a computer.
None of them had noticed my entrance yet.
“Come on Dave, it’s alright. Step into the teleportation device,” Evil Will said to the man, “there’s nothing to worry about I promise. Never mind that your colleagues here have turned to…uh,chickens, we can reverse that. We’ve also fixed the problem that caused them to turn in the first place so I promise that this time will be fine.”
The young man’s wide eyes darted from Evil Will to the men-chickens who clucked and pecked at the floor and shook his head furiously.
Evil Will sighed, “Think of how good this will look on your resume, Dave. How many interns do you know get to participate in teleportation experiments? Look, I’ll put in a really good recommendation for you after this ok?”
At this the young man seemed to perk up a bit, “Well ok. Are you sure you got the numbers right?” He asked in a shaky voice.
At this Evil Will turned to Number 1 who responded with a thumbs up in the air.
“Yep, it’s alright.”
The young man sighed and walked into the wobbling wall of water at the center of the circular device.
As soon as he did, a flash of blue light spread across the lab and he disappeared for a few moments.
Everyone held their breath in anticipation. Even the men-chickens had stopped flapping about.
And then finally, he walked out on the other side…in one piece!
He swore, laughing in relief.
“Great! It works!” Evil Will squealed in delight, pumping a fist in the air.
“How do you feel Dave?”
“I feel fine…” He replied with a triumphant smile, hands on his hips.
And then, his legs turned into chicken feet. No one made a sound.
“…that was pretty cool….” His torso swole and morphed into the body of a chicken.
“…I’ve never felt better actually, and SQUAAAKK!” His hands flew to his mouth, stunned by the sound that escaped from his mouth.
Except instead of his hands he had large featherless chicken wings.
His head began to grow…double its side…tripple!
“Squaaak!! Pkaaaawww!!” He started to flap around the lab in a panic, and the other men-chickens joined him. Soon the lab was a noisy mess of flapping men-chickens.
“Damn it!! Number 1, you got the numbers wrong again and now look what you’ve done! That was our last intern and we need this teleportation device delivered tonight or else ….”
“Or else what?” I bellowed above the noise, my T-rex hands on my hips.
At this, they all turned to face me in shock.
If it wasn’t bad enough that this wasn’t at all the grand entrance I had hoped for, his reaction was not the desire laden drool I had imagined he would have at the sight of me in my sexy T-rex costume.
Instead, his face fell, like he had just seen a ghost, and his unibrow shot up in the shape of an upside down v.
I heard Number 1 wolf-whistle and a man-chicken cough.
“Err, m-my sugar plum what are you doing here? And what in God’s name are you wearing??” Evil Will had the audacity to look surprised.
“First of all, this is a sexy T-rex costume for what was supposed to be our anniversary night together, second of all, what are YOU doing here when you’re supposed to be back in our bedroom celebrating with me?!” I snapped back at him.
“It’s our anniversary?” He replied, and then winched in regret for letting those words tumble out of his mouth.
I pursed my lips, my frown deepening, “Evil William Zacharia Tobi, you did NOT forget our anniversary again, did you?! You forgot last month and you promised me this month would be different!”
“You’re being dramatic, my cakes, I did not forget!”
He looked around the lab frantically and then his eyes brightened as if he had just come up with a brilliant idea.
“I just thought that this month, we’d celebrate in a different way… by,er, going on a mission together. Heh.”
I narrowed my eyes at him, there was more bullshit coming. I could smell it on his breath.
“I’m listening.”
“I’ve been hired to build and deliver this teleportation device to a ruthless gang of thieves who will use it to break in and out of the Central Bank tomorrow morning. I was thinking that the both of us could do this mission together, but I wanted it to be a surprise which is why I didn’t say anything till now.” He said, closing the gap between us in four brisk strides.
I sighed and relaxed my hands off my hips. Well, if that was his plan….
“That’s actually quite sweet of you my darling. We can do the mission after our romantic oasis back in our bedroom. So if you can just wrap this up….” I started to say,
“Er, actually we need to leave for the mission right now.” He interrupted.
“What? Why can’t it wait till later?”
“Because we’ve been given a deadline to deliver. They’ve already paid in full and have threatened to cut off my balls if we don’t deliver on time. Now hun, I like my balls very much as I’m sure you do too so we really need to get going. Understand?” He said, placing a hand on my shoulder.
When he asked like that it was impossible to say no. Plus yes, I liked his balls very much.
“Alright. I’m driving. I’ll go get the keys to the van…and change out of this T-rex costume.”
“No, no…keep it on.” He replied with a sly smile.
*****
We arrived at the Central Bank just in time to meet the gang – three men standing at the entrance of the Bank.
“Stay in the car and be on the lookout. We’ll be quick.” Evil Will said as he and Number 1 lifted the teleportation device out of the van.
I nodded and turned off the engine.
I could hear their conversation from the car as they approached the gang.
“Good to see you, compagno. The device is ready, yes?” The one whom I guessed was their leader, an overweight, short man in blue overalls, said in a thick italian accent.
“Yes it is, Roberto.” Evil Will replied, trying to put on his most confident smile.
“It had better be, my friend, or we’ll be using your balls as pinatas at the next gang party. Why don’t you show us how it works,eh?”
I saw Evil Will and Number 1 glance at each other nervously.
“Uh, right now? Roberto it’s wiser to conserve its battery for the mission ….”
“Yes, right now caro. Fire her up!”
Evil Will obeyed and powered up the teleportation device, while Number 1 pulled out a laptop from his backpack
“So we use this to set the destination coordination points, which in this case would be inside the Central Bank…” he said as he worked the laptop.
Suddenly the teleportation device flashed blue indicating that it was ready.
“Marco here will go in so he can scope out the place before our mission tomorrow… “ Robert gestured to the big fella with bright red hair beside him.
“…he’ll communicate with us once he is safely inside.”
Marco nodded, walked into the teleportation device and disappeared.
No one said anything for several moments until there was static heard from Roberto’s walkie talkie.
“Come in Marco.” Roberto said into the mouthpiece.
There was more static.
“Marco, are you in?”
Nothing. And then…
“PKAAAAAAAAWWWWWW!! CLUCK, CLUCK, PKAAWW!” A chicken screamed through the receiver.
Cough.
Evil Will’s forehead glistened with sweat.
“Well, um, if that would be all for tonight gentlemen….”
“Shit, they played us! grab them!” Roberto thundered, pointing an angry finger at Evil Will and Number 1.
What happened next was so fast I could barely keep up.
Number 1 fled into the night but Evil Will wasn’t so lucky. The third gang member, a burly man with dark hair, grabbed him by his cape and slammed him onto the floor.
“What the hell happened to Marco?! Why does he sound like a chicken?!” Roberto swore, kicking Evil Will so hard, I winced at the sound of his bones cracking.
“Evil Will!!” I screamed from the car, struggling to free myself from my seat belt.
But then I stopped for a moment and thought…what chance did I have against those two criminals?
Unless….
I pulled out my phone, searched for the city’s super hero help line and dialed.
“Lagos superhero help line, what’s your emergency?” A woman drawled after the third ring.
“Hello, I’d like to report a crime in progress…yes, it’s happening right now at the Central Bank…no, I won’t like to make a small donation to the hungry kids charity after this call…hurry please!”
I hung up and after a few moments, I heard what sounded like a cat dying.
“ ♪ Dadadadun, Make way for the amazing Mr Sunshine! Dadadadun! ♪”
Whoosh!
A white blur darted across my vision as a man swooped in to where the thieves continued to kick and stomp on Evil Will.
And then there was more of his terrible singing.
“ ♪ Dadadadun, it’s the amazing Mr Sunshine! Dadadadun! ♪” ♪”
Crack!
Fist connected tissue and bones, sending the thieves flying into the air and landing smack hard on the street.
They spat out a long string of curses as they stumbled to their feet and ran off into the night.
I got out of the car to get a good look at Mr Sunshine as he lifted an unconscious Evil Will into his arms and approached me.
Enter slow motion and background music.
The man looked like he had just stepped out of a GQ photoshoot.
He was built like a brick and oozed confidence.
I was not prepared for the way I drank in the sight of his chiseled face, his diamond cutter jaw and a nose so straight it could lead an army.
I couldn’t miss his brown eyes…they were like pools of liquid gold, but with less drowning and more eye contact.
And those huge biceps..mh-hm. I bet they could crush walnuts
His singing might be a 1, but his body was definitely a 10.
I placed a hand over my heart, fearing that somehow he would hear the mariachi band playing La Cucaracha in my chest.
“Hi, I’m Mr Sunshine. Was it you who called?” he asked, raising a perfectly plucked eyebrow.
“Uh, yes. Thanks for coming just in time!” I responded, flustered.
He looked me over, and I blushed, remembering that I was still in my T-Rex costume.
I suddenly wished that I had changed into something more appropriate, like my rubber ducky costume…he looked like a guy who would like rubber ducks.
“Always a pleasure, ms…?”
“Tania.” I finished with a giggle.
“That’s a lovely name. And you know Mr unconscious Evil Will here?”
“Oh yes, uh, I’m his girlfriend.”
“Wow. Nice.” His face brightened in surprise.
“All these years of him being my arch nemesis…and I had always thought he was a virgin.”
We laughed and said nothing for some moments. Then he asked,
“How are you?”
Cough, Cough…gasp!
Just then, Evil Will sat up in his arms with a start. He looked first at Mr Sunshine and then at me.
“What the…were…were you just flirting with my girlfriend?”
“What? No, no.” Mr Sunshine said.
“ Pft, never.” I echoed.
“Why am I in your arms? Put me down, you fool!” He snapped, and Mr Sunshine set him on his feet.
“You’re lucky I saved your life just then.” Mr Sunshine bristled, irritated by his lack of appreciation.
“Saved my life?” Evil Will turned to me, “Of all the people you could have called to save me, you chose the worst person on earth, my sworn enemy?!”
“I’m sorry, do you have an emergency contact that I don’t know off?” I quipped, also irritated by his mood.
He ignored me and turned back to Mr Sunshine, “I did not need saving because my bones are made of titanium. I just tend to shut down to conserve power under such circumstances, I would have been fine thank you very much!”
“Alright, whatever. Is that your device thinga-ma-jig there…”
“Yes…”
“…cos if it is, I’ll have to take you in as an accessory to the crime that was reported here.”
“…I mean no. I have no idea how that got there.”
“Great. Well then I shall confiscate it and hand it in to the authorities when they arrive. So I suggest you two better get out of here.” Mr Sunshine motioned for us to get into the car.
“Ugh, fine. Oh and uh, I also don’t know how a rather weird chicken ended up inside the bank.” Evil Will said quickly as he got into the passenger’s seat of the van.
As we drove off, Mr Sunshine and I exchanged a knowing look, he smiled.
This felt like the start of something new.
